We recently invited some of our readers to send us their most strange – and humorous, breakups in their life. Some of these are hilarious, some just bewildering and all of them are entertaining.
I dated a guy for a few months. One day, he stopped returning my texts/calls. He told me he was having “family trouble” and couldn’t talk. This went on for a few days until I found out the real reason he wasn’t talking to me: He was waiting for his breakup postcard to arrive in my mailbox. That’s right. He broke up with me via postcard. A POSTCARD. Who the F*** still uses Postcards?
I was 18 (this was in 2012) working for a pet store part time and in college. I saved up for about six months to take my girl at the time to a nice restaurant for Valentine’s Day. I threw on a suit, drove about 70 kms to get her, and her mom said that she wasn’t there…and that I should just go back to my hostel. She never called me back that day. The next day she contacted and said she didn’t want to see me again and hung up. I bought myself a video game with the money that I was going to spend on her dinner
He emailed me at work to break up with me. The subject line was “FYI.”
He broke up with me via a FACEBOOK MESSAGE. A FACEBOOK MESSAGE. When we lived on the SAME CAMPUS. That is the equivalent of a Post-It note in today’s society. Apparently face to face was too hard for him
I was dating a guy who I honestly thought loved me. One night we decided to meet at a bar after I was meeting with a friend. He disappeared for about 30 minutes. When he came back he told me he had had sex with a woman in the bathroom! While I was there! Random stranger!
I was 19 and he was 21 and his mom had just taken us out for lunch. We were going back to his place to watch TV. He made some off-colour comment and his mom asked if he had condoms and I laughed and said we didn’t need those. She stopped the car and looked at me and I was like, well, we’re still kids so it’s not like we’re going to be doing that… She called my mom that night and said I wasn’t mature enough for a relationship. He asked me the next day at school if my mom informed me we were officially broken up.”
We were in the middle of a road trip, and I was driving. We had been dating over a year, living together for six months, and had just moved to a new city 2,000 miles away from home.
My ex: ‘You’re such a great guy and you’ve really helped me so much through XYZ but at this point in my life I just feel…[pause]…I really need to be having sex with hotter people.’”
My ex broke up with me by pretending he was gay, as he thought it would make it easier. He told all my friends what he had done and no one told me. I was supportive until I found out it was all lies and he was texting my friends with my replies.
I dated a guy for a couple months. The feelings weren’t serious but we were having fun. One day he told me he had a dream about having a threesome with me and my best friend. I laughed it off. Then a few days later he told me he wanted a threesome with her involved. I got mad because A: a threesome wasn’t an option at the moment. Not something I was ready to try yet. And B: that would have been like having sex with my sister. (We were basically family.) I told him no and he got mad and broke up with me. Then she calls and tells me he’s trying to take her out on a date. What a douche.
“I started seeing a guy after meeting him at a charity event. Two weeks in, he calls me and says that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he’s going to be moving back to his parents in Dubai in a few months time. I asked him if he maybe wanted to try it out and see how the distance worked out for us. If it was too much, we could still be friends. He agreed.
“A few weeks after moving back to Dubai (we had been dating for eight months at this point), he and I are on Skype. He says, ‘I haven’t been entirely truthful. I told you the last girl I dated was five years ago but that’s not true. There was someone after that as well.’ This got my thinking really hard and all I asked after that was if she’s still in the picture. And if so, in what capacity. He said (I kid you not), ‘She’s still my girlfriend.’ I was the ‘other woman’ and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.
“Here’s where it gets really good. I reached out to his girlfriend via Facebook, sent her my number, and asked her to give me a call. She called me later that night and I told her everything, along with apologising for not having heeded the red flags. She was understanding of that fact that we were both blindsided. He later told me that my telling her everything had ‘ruined the sanctity’ of their relationship.
“Nah bro. You did that when you cheated. Good riddance.”